It Get’s Better

I’ve been away for a while. Mostly building on myself and learning about myself. I put this post up in the TRP sub on Reddit and thought I’d share it here so I can reflect on it as a kind of “progress pic” to compare against in 6 months time.

I wish I could go back to the me breaking up with my last pre-redpill relationship. I was so angsty like I was going through my teens all over again. Outwardly I was a master of the stoic façade, but inside I was burning up.

Even when you’re the one breaking ties with someone you allow to mean a lot to you, it ain’t easy. This we all know. Even those few form the outside stumbling on this sub know this. Breaking up a LTR relationship is rated as one of the most highly stressful things you will experience in life, right up there with getting fired or losing a loved one. Yes this is a beta as fuck way to look at it, but hang with me on this. I’m going somewhere.

Enter The Red Pill into my life, and the butthurt I tried to call anything but this. My ex would contact me and I would game the fuck out of her. The example being when she was assigned my paper for peer review and she decided to send me a photo text of this, followed by “please pay the internet bill.” My response was good, but over the top. “Why? Are you gonna play bad teacher and give me a poor grade?” (I did go through the proper avenues, alerted the unit convener and made sure extra moderation would be in effect in case she did fuck with it.)

I was hurting, and I was in the throws of digesting the pill. I began to meet women and game folks like I was on a mission. With every pump I was trying to put a nail in the coffin of that relationship and trying to hold fast on my decision. The texts would occasionally pop up “Are you sure this is what you want?”

No, but I know this is the right choice. Fuck off

“Don’t you have hard dick to ride?”

Yeah, damn straight I was butthurt. I brought the rain in any interaction post-relationship with that woman. Somehow I couldn’t accept it was just in her nature, rather being convinced she was out to get me specifically.

Then there was the attempt to be my friend. This was my first real first-hand AWALT experience. We sat and talked for maybe half an hour and she let loose about the three guys she was getting drilled by, and how one of them was starting to buy her things and trying to LTR her. She straight up confirmed the AF/BB dynamic, let loose Red Pill truths about how frustrating it is when guys don’t take the lead and other stuff. I was just starting on Red Pill theory and found myself almost smiling at this. Then she let loose about losing her job and her car breaking down. That conversation gave me a lot of Red Pill confirmation and some vindictive pleasure, like karma was biting her back for being such a bitch in our relationship.

And I sincerely thought I wasn’t butthurt, that I wasn’t going through an anger phase and that I was mastering this really quickly. This delusion set me back. Seriously, anybody reading this, take a long hard objective look at your situation and make sure this isn’t happening to you.

I didn’t allow myself to get so full of anger that I would just call women out everywhere on their bullshit, that I wouldn’t be absorbed with my anger phase and making progress. I stunted myself because I wanted to progress into amused mastery.

Then something clicked. I broke all contact with her, went pseudo-monkmode and devoted myself entirely to my lifting. I think I can attribute it mostly to #NoNothingNovember. I showed myself I can master my impulses, delay gratification and not settle for less. I went from pursuing women to pursuing fitness, writing in a blog and learning more about myself.

New Year came around and I have been focussing on a cut. If I would line a date up with a girl, I would make sure that any food consumed would fit. I have delayed dates and even cancelled with ladies who wouldn’t resched to allow for my gym schedule.

Now February has rolled around and I’m seeing the changes I hear about in most of the other posts in here. I’m still having some timidity issues, but I’m getting there. I’m more outwardly enjoying myself, commenting about people and just not giving fucks. I’m going to progress quickly from here. I can see exactly what I need to do and how to get there. The same thing happened with my snowboarding where I tried to progress too quickly and found myself trying to run before I could walk.

If I could go back and talk to myself with what I know now, I would tell me to not skip the anger phase. It’s integral to the process and will stunt you when you try to skip it. I would also stress the focus on myself. I could’ve gone harder on the lifting and made so much more progress so quickly. I’ve had a bad case of fuckarounditis since starting TRP. The last crucial piece of advice I would’ve given myself in the situation I wound up in would be to not compromise on my principles.

This last one relates specifically to several times where I wilfully stumbled. I started smoking again for a short time, had too many cheat days because of date nights, skipped workouts for virtually no reason and let my standards slip for women I would plate. Be clear in what you want and don’t settle for less. If you’re not in a position to attain what you want, figure out how to extend your reach, rather than go for that lower shelf. Every man can extend their reach significantly, and too often whinges are brought out here about race, height, ugliness for x reason. The only reason these affect you so harshly is because you let them. I’m a redhead with a receeding hairline, skew teeth and a little scarred up. Rather than complain about these limiting factors, I push myself at the gym, get sociable, and find out where my reach extends to. Since accepting the anger phase for what it was and getting comfortably into myself, I have found these things matter extremely little. Accept these facts for what they are and move on.

The honest truth is no man of any creed, minority or height has any excuse to be below a 7. You will not make 10/10, but maximising your SMV will get you into a great position for future gaming. Regardless of the truth of the statement, you as the reader have the responsibility of finding out how you can reach that 7.

The last thing I can promise is that it gets better. You’ll find that women who made you nervous at first become that easy lay when you don’t feel like trying on a weeknight and just want to bust a quick nut in the restroom of the bar.

I hope you get something out of this. It’s hard to get here, but looking back it’s really encouraging to see where I’ve come from and know what I’m capable of now. Hang in there guys. It get’s better.

#NoNothingNovember – Home Stretch

NOTE: I’m working on a lot of posts at once at the moment. I’m not holding myself to any type of schedule to release, so just keep an eye out. There’ll be a few released at once here in the near future.

 

It’s the final stretch for me. While everyone else has finished their month of removing certain vices from their lives, I’m trucking on to get to the 15th. The effect this month has had on me is profound. While it’s been particularly difficult to maintain the sleep cycle and socialising commitments, this commitment has fundamentally altered my personality. I’m harder, more confident and more level headed. I see my friends more and have reconnected with some lost ones.

Drinking only good coffee (A-Grade)- This one has been a breeze, but I can see the ripples across other facets of my life where it has had an effect. By not purchasing the $2 coffee from the gas station at 2am, I save myself at least $2 a shift. I would usually buy a sandwich as well and a yoghurt which would set me back a further $8-10. Not to mention the decent (not good) coffee I would buy at $4 a pop before starting work. I would 3-4 shifts a week minimum, so you can see this starting to stack up.

Now I’ll get one cup of coffee from a good place in the evening before a night shift, and maybe two during a day shift when a really good joint is open. Generally I’ll only go somewhere that roasts it’s own coffee beans, though some places I’ll hit up just because their staff know how to make a good coffee. I travel further out of my way than I used to, and cut it finer getting to work sometimes, but I won’t sacrifice quality for anything.

This has reduced my overall spending by attrition. I am less inclined to buy food while I’m not in a café, and hold much more steadily to my diet. My wallet has gotten heavier and I can happily attribute my financial success to eating less junk food. These effects have gone a step further, too. I’ve been taking daily photos of myself going through with my gym commitments and I’ve noticed in the last six weeks I’ve had more noticeable results than in the last 3 months. Particularly in my shoulders. I’ve been motivated to really push myself through the rest of summer and try to shave down that bf% while I bulk up.

No Late Nights or Sleeping In Unnecessarily (C-Grade) – I’ll admit this has been tough. Working a rotating roster means I need to shuffle my life around carefully and make sure I get enough sleep in between the rotations, but also keep myself up so I don’t get to bed too early sometimes. I probably could have improved on this by writing more, but it hasn’t been terrible. Generally speaking, I’ve managed to raise my energy levels at work and find productive things to do when I wake up too early like meditate, stretch or go to the gym.

I didn’t take away the nasty habit of having some kind of noise going in the background. I still try to bombard myself with information 24 hours every day, usually going to Audible to put a book on I’ve already read while I’m sleeping. This is because there is evidence supporting the theory that memory can be reactivated while you sleep. That said, if I’m less than outright exhausted, it tends to keep me up for a little while. Something to continue working on past the end of this month.

Being More Sociable (B-Grade) – Creaming this. Seeing my friends all the time. Some of my friends are more inclined to see me more often than others, but I have enough to go around. One of them has begun to show signs of waking up, too. He’s entered the anger phase of becoming enlightened to the world of women. I see him more often than most because I’m starting to trickle in hints of this whole other world. He’s gone very MRA, but I’ve promised to have a chat with him about some things.

As an aside to that, I’ve started getting into more event’s my mates do. My main interest right now is obstacle course running. There’s a small one coming up early next year that I intend to do with the boys. Guaranteed to be fun with some of the others I have already convinced to join me. It’s only a few km’s, but it looks like a good one to break into the sport.

One other thing on this topic. Ladies. As a young guy, I’m not looking to find my unicorn. Rather, I’m looking for company when I have time around building myself. This means women will come and go from my life on a regular basis and I’ve accepted that. Since taking this in, I’ve just started socialising with women as much as men. I’ve got one plate, one false start and one who’s interest in me has been piqued. Reckon I’m playing the game somewhat carefully, but at the moment it’s more about me learning how to play the game rather than getting in up to my neck. I think I’m close to right, I just need to cut myself loose and fail a couple of times.

No Reddit (A-Grade) – I actually forgot Reddit existed between the last post and now. The only reason I’m posting about this at all is because I knew there was another goal for this month. I’m starting to wonder about what the content looks like on some of my favourite subs, but I’ll just have to wait until Monday after I write my post about the end of this. I’m the master of my curiosity as much as my emotions and what I write. It’s just a matter of delaying gratification for a couple of days.

All in all, I feel great for achieving what I have, but there’s room to go harder on these goals. I can think of instances where I could have done better in most of them. Not so much changing things, but doing more of the same. Still, there’s a few days left, let’s see what I can do to sprint to the finish line.

Fin.

ToBA – Value Judgement

This is part of a series called “Thoughts on Being Alpha” in which I share aspects about the alpha’s journey. You feel like Alice right now, tumbling down the rabbit hole. Angry and antagonistic women become screaming children who didn’t get the toy. You may even have learned about the second language we have been bred not to be able to translate, but know of it’s existence nonetheless. The grass looks greener on this side, but waking up changes everything. Permanently.

What do you see when you remove the fluff from a potential mate?
For me, everything comes down to a series of value judgements about the woman. Not about the amount of effort I put in, but the potential for what I can get out of it. Companionship? Get a dog. Validation? I’ve got my friends for that. Entertainment? Go see a movie.

Grind all that away. If you want to hamster it, she doesn’t need that kind of responsibility either. She can’t handle being that important to you. If I were to be looking for a LTR, there are only two factors that really matter to me; her suitability for bearing children, and her willingness to bear children. Why I pick these is beside the point. The problem I’m writing about today is how to measure these factors. They aren’t immediately apparent, and are not the most concrete of factors to judge value from.

Dredging out the history of my previous relationships, analyzing the personalities of the women and bringing it forward to contrast against my current string of hookups, friends with benefits and other non-committal sex, I’ve developed a series of pairs of traits that either can’t co-exist or affect each other to the point where they need to be contrasted. They are each measurable, direct and unambiguous. Think about these and how much each one means to you when you’re trying to estimate the value of a woman.

Family-Oriented vs Career-Focused: These two factors do not co-exist in the universe of the typical woman. Whether it’s the result of the current job climate “forcing women to make the choice” or the emergence of the “empowered feminist,” or whatever. The result is that a woman wants a career, or she chooses to forgo a career entirely to start a family. I’ve had relationships on both sides of this conflict of interest, and while none of them have resulted in children, I definitely will be looking for more family oriented women in the future.

When it comes to actually measuring this, though, I look into conversation content and how a woman reacts to questions on each of the topics. Mixing in probing questions with some playful flirting will shed some light on whether she stands with career or family. She might blow off a question about her career, but if she lights up and goes into detail, there’s still hope. Especially if she’s in childcare. Look into the content. She might focus a lot on talking about her friends in the office or otherwise demonstrate a social focus. Red flags pop up when she lights up about some report, the mechanics of her job or an incoming promotion for example.

On the flip side of these, you could prey on career driven women for low investment sex knowing she’s not looking for kids, commitment and a provider.

Jealous vs Aloof: This one can be seen as more of a spectrum, with the goal finding a woman somewhere in the middle. Jealous mate-guarding behaviour generally comes out in “calling to say goodnight” or texting asking where you are. In my past relationships, it’s gone so far as to have every single female friend of mine stand accused of cheating with me. That particular relationship ended with me finding out she was cheating on me.

Women who are too aloof on the other hand…well, I can’t say for certain whether it means they’re cheating or not, but they’re just boring. Aloofness from my partner tells me she’s not worried about me possibly replacing her with a newer model. If she’s not slightly conscious of that, she’s not going to try to maintain herself or worse, she’s going to upgrade on me to someone who reflects her perceived status better.

My goal is to get her texting first. If she initiates conversation regularly, I see it as a sign she’s subtly trying to keep tabs on me. It also shows I’m busy enough with my life that I’m not placing all my self-worth in her hands.

Sex-Appeal vs Sex-Readiness: This is an interesting contrast to make. We know the typical attractive woman can be gamed to give up their loins to someone who knows what they’re doing, but then there’s this: you perceive a woman’s SMV to decline the quicker she gives it up. Nobody likes a town pump and the quicker she gives it up, the bigger and brighter the red flag goes up. You bring this connection in yourself, thinking “If it was that easy for me, chances are she’s done this before.”

On the other hand, attractive women like to make men work for a chance as well. We wouldn’t call them Beta Orbiters if it wasn’t commonplace enough for a label to be fashioned. You can see this all over the place, and in breaks between writing this out, I saw a guy carrying a girl’s purse. She wasn’t up to anything, either. She just made him carry it. Don’t fall into orbiter mode to get her. Women with a lot of guy friends are in the high risk zone for this.

Actually measuring this is straightforward. Judge her on her attractiveness. If she’s hot enough, try to escalate and see where that gets you. Simply put, game her and see how easily you get through her defenses. If she can hold out long enough for you to be satisfied she’s not just an easy lay, then maybe you’re on to something.

Commitment vs. Hypergamy: Women are naturally hypergamous in their behaviours. They are always looking for the fittest man to bear and raise their children. Good LTR material will be conscious of this fact and keep it in check. Women with a lot of guy friends are a red flag here as well, having a slew of potential suitors ready to replace you on a whim. On the other side, deep religious backgrounds and cultural heritage can provide a good insight into a woman with the right values for a LTR. If you can get her to cheat in a relationship or take her from her boyfriend, you already know she’s hypergamous, swinging to you as a superior specimen. It’ll only be a matter of time before she swings again.

Talk to her about where she comes from and do some research on the place. Smaller country towns tend to have more collectivist cultures, even in western society. These cultures tend to have lower instances of cheating and divorce, and from my experience, the men appear to be more naturally Red Pill in these towns and other countries. Of course, this doesn’t preclude women in our larger individualist societies, but they are a much rarer breed in my town and I would argue in most of the larger westernised cities.

You can’t directly measure this, so be wary. You can only infer it from her background, if she has a lot of male friends and other identifieable factors.

_______________________________________________

Interestingly, neither side of each factor really means the woman needs to be avoided, rather what sort of relationship she’s more suited to. A career-focussed, hypergamous woman makes a better short-term gratification investment, where you cash out after a couple of months and call it a win. On the other hand, a country girl who hkeeps mostly female company and calls just to talk a couple of times a week could be the ticket you need to perpetuate your seed into another generation.

Fin.

#NoNothingNovember – Day 15

For those of you who are unaware, I started late on this commitment. I’m now at the halfway mark, staring down the barrel of an easy ride to the finish.

To rehash, I made the commitments of:

No Reddit – Mainly because I was sponging information from r/TheRedPill and not putting it into practice. The quality of the information has been steadily declining over there, and I hope that when I return, there will be more to absorb. I’ve also turned more to books and to producing information via this blog. I still stand by the commitment that any sufficiently Red Pill man should produce information in a blog of some kind. This blog has been a good outlet for me, from keeping the wheels lubricated and turning to putting on paper the way I operate so another perspective on what works has been recorded.

No unnecessary late nights/sleep ins – Aside from my hiccup on day 1, I’ve managed to put this into solid practice. Just coming into this night shift I’ve found I have more energy and can adjust more readily between day and night roster rotations for work. I keep my headspace together and claim at least 7 hours of sleep between 12 hour night shifts, and 8-10 hours between day shifts. No more micro-sleeps at work, groggy conversation or not being able to spot an opportunity to talk to a lovely lady.

This is likely to be a permanent lifestyle change that I’ve managed to implement now that I’ve focused on it enough to develop the proper method. I’ve also implemented a new alarm that tracks my movement, breathing patterns and noise I make, figuring out when to wake me up so I don’t have the issues of being jolted from REM sleep. I’ve paid for my version, but there are free ones out there.

No long periods of social isolation – This is going to be an on again off again kind of relationship. As a uni student, I spend a lot of time at a computer researching, writing out essays and catching up on lecture material. I bury my nose in text books at the library or home, while I’m on duty at work I take a lot of my down time to do the same. It tends to drain me a lot more between that and maintaining my 48 hour work weeks, leaving me with not much to spend on my friends.

That said, I’m scouting for a career move that could improve my situation and leave me with enough energy to join up with a team sport my university represents in. Fingers crossed by tryouts for next season I can be a part of one of these.

No bad coffee – Up until this month I’ve subsisted on caffeine hits throughout the day to keep me up and running. It didn’t really matter where it came from, sometimes going as cheaply as instant coffee at my mother’s place after a night shift. I’ve since invested in a French press at both my own and my mother’s place so I can have fresh ground coffee from roasted beans even at home. I don’t go for the cheap gas station espressos or McDonalds half-assed attempts. Only café espressos made by hipsters who have trust funds and nothing better to do than perfect their art.

 

On these goals I haven’t wavered, I haven’t slipped. I’ve been a rock on these and 15 days in I’m starting to see how these are benefitting me further than the immediately apparent effects I foresaw. Having the energy and the perceptiveness from sleeping properly – which has in turn improved from less coffee consumption – has given me the get up and go to see my friends, sure, but it has also improved my female company drastically, given me foresight to make plans I can follow through on, and work on my writing to build this blog. I take time out for me as well, but in more appropriate doses and do something more productive. The guitar has actually become a part of my life again, rather than just a possession sitting in my room, and I have started work on a tattoo design with the help of a budding artist who I like the work of.

I have had a few slips in other areas of my life, though. For example, I’ve missed two consecutive gym sessions this past week and will have to wear them as I press forward. I’ve also not been following my diet too closely, and eating take-out, candy and junk food I probably won’t get away with. I’m okay with the isolated incidents, and don’t see them as a breaking point through which I should just fall off the wagon. I’m committed to getting fit enough to call my contacts for the odd stripper gig, and I want to compete in the obstacle course races (so far I’ve heard of Tough Mudder and Spartan Race.) Whether or not I actually model is another story. I can improve my diet and shy away from this junk food further if I commit.

I let my finances take a final hit from my last breakup, not getting my act together quickly enough to shut down the shared account and letting the ex run up an overdraw. It will be rectified, and I’m not going to waste my time or energy on trying to recuperate the cost. “Don’t even give her the finger. That’s a waste of a finger.” Karma will catch up with her. Otherwise things are getting pretty solid on that front as well. I’m not looking to save up and make my millions from my current job, instead I’m looking to save up enough to spend some time in the States on a working holiday. If I get enough together in time, I’d like to remove the working part from that as well.

I know where I need to go from here, though I won’t name them as further stretch goals in my #NoNoNov push to the finish from here.

Game starts Monday

Fin.