ToBA – Our commodity

This is part of a series called “Thoughts on Being Alpha” in which I share aspects about the alpha’s journey. You feel like Alice right now, tumbling down the rabbit hole. Angry and antagonistic women become screaming children who didn’t get the toy. You may even have learned about the second language we have been bred not to be able to translate, but know of it’s existence nonetheless. The grass looks greener on this side, but waking up changes everything. Permanently.

It’s no secret that we as men are being supplanted by the government in most western societies. Our ability to earn is no good to most women because they either collect a government check to raise the kids or they get so wrapped up in their careers they’re useless to the biological imperative. If you base your worth solely on this, you have hope in most third world countries or in collectivist cultures (this post will be edited with a link to an explanation of these later.) Quality western women have outmoded this method of entering and maintaining an effective relationship.

We can still play the short game by having money, or have a medium to long term relationship with a superficial woman. Depending on your goals this can be productive, but if you’re like me you want children from your own seed one day. Children that will carry your name and succeed to pass on your name. Money will not guarantee this the way it did in the fifties and sixties. It is an alpha relic.

This is not the complete neutering that a lot of the manosphere talks about. It is still perfectly possible to gain and maintain a LTR (or even marriage if you’re so inclined.) The game isn’t over, just changed.

But without money, what do we have?
The answer is easier to comprehend than you think. Apply Occam’s Razor and look at men who inspire you to follow them. Not the men in leadership positions like CEO’s, officers in the military or others, but those who attract followers on a social standing. AMOG’s of the groups you want to emulate. This is not to say those work roles are people you want to be different. Just be wary of assuming they have everything tied up in neat little bows and get everything the way you will want it. Better to see how they do in a social setting than in the boardroom.

Leadership is our commodity. Modern women love to not have to be in charge all the time. This is why you have a plan or be spontaneous enough to be in control of the situation when you get a date with a quality woman. Women have been raised to live the fantasy of being swept off their feet annd find their “dream man.” If you don’t believe me, watch any Disney movie pre-2000’s.

It’s common mention in the manosphere about being the “captain of your ship.” Women will not initiate a conversation, and a lot of PUA techniques demontrate the underlying quality of leadership. Status comes with leadership as does (commonly) wealth and opportunity. This is the core of what makes an attractive man. A man that women want to be around and other men look to when they “just don’t know.”

But its more than just developing and displaying leadership. If you overdo this in your relationship, or in amongst your friends, you will cause them to feel completely powerless and like they don’t have any status at all in your life. This is the other side of the scales that will cause short term success but long term failure in everything. It’s one thing to be valuable to others, but they have to feel valuable to you as well. This is where a lot of PUA’s and Red Pill writers start to fall down. There’s a limit to complete and total domination being effective. You will wind up on top, but alone.

My personal advice is this. Display your value, take charge, get in a leadership role, ut don’t micro-manage every little detail. I’ve read books from PUA’s about taking control of every detail. They say to disagree with absolutely everything a woman suggests on a date right down to their suggestion of where to sit in a cafe you choose. This is silly and overbearing. Remember that word – “overbearing.”

Just like you let your friends invite you to events, if she has a good suggestion you should roll with it. Strike a balance between too little leadership and too much. This is your ticket to a successful Long Term Relationship. Maybe one day I can write a post about how to tell if you’re doing too much or too little, but so far the tricks I’ve learned are as follows:

– Pay attention when you have a conversation with her. Vital clues will arise during these discussions about her interests, her feelings (if you know how to interpret what she’s saying. Learn about powertalk.)

– Use her interests to plan dates.

– If she suggests something, decide whether to go with it. It’s not about just disregarding what she’s saying.

– Don’t always refuse an invitation. If you show up to something she plans, you will display a lot of value to her as well as give her a sense of worth in your life. Remember, she’s going to become your first mate, not just some midshipman.

I’m slowing down on the TRP and manosphere knowledge consumption. Maybe I’m growing soft, but I know one thing is true. Save for a few highly respected Redditors who have saved their marriages and LTR’s by going Red Pill, that place is becoming plagued with callousness towards women. Short term success becomes almost a guarantee with TRP, but long term failure is almost as sure a thing. Roll back from the hardcore stylings of it a bit and become a true alpha, someone secure in themselves, who not only leads, but follows a good idea, and knows when to do one or the other.
That is when you will find long term success.

Post-it: Do yourself a serious favour and get a copy of Models by Mark Manson. His audiobook sold on Audible is a bit unpolished thanks to him reading it to you, but the content of the book itself is something you should get your hands on.

Once You Pop, Don’t Fucking Stop

Below is a link to a Tedx Talk about behaviour change. I encourage you to have a watch, though I’m going to roll back the application and talk more about the theory. This woman has inadvertently provided advice on game. It goes for about 20 minutes, though, so settle in.

Social Norms
Social norms are expectations that create a kind of psychological “pull” towards a desired behaviour. People have an inherent need to go with the crowd (don’t believe me, look up Asch’s conformity experiment and the Milgrim Trials) which can generally push them outside of behaviour they would normally elicit.

In this video, Jeni Cross applies this to littering campaigns, environmental consciousness and the like, but she touches on an interesting study (and spews a red pill truth on stage.)

“If you ask people what will create attitude change and base a campaign off what they say, you’ll likely achieve low impact and effectiveness…” (Paraphrased)
Jeni then goes on to say that the number one determining factor behind people changing their attitudes is essentially “other people are doing it.” quoting a 58% effectiveness statistic.

This is not isolated to large firms with advertising agencies trying to enact large scale change. It’s perfectly applicable to the micro-environment that is your social life. Create a situation where you are seen as a desirable by many women in the immediate environment before you approach your mark.

…but more than that. You get the girl into the restrooms at the club for a quickie? Don’t stop there.

Creating Social Proof to Influence the Norms
Go for another one. You’ll smell of perfume and sex, which in a nightclub environment will work to your favour. Other women have already tried to “claim” you, therefore you are more desirable.

Once you’ve achieved success, follow-up success is easier. “Second money is easier than first money.” Fuck one, take another home. It’s a nightclub.

Now if you’re at a high-end social function like a wedding, this will take a completely different tone. Dress well, talk to everyone, be friendly and give a speech if you have something to say. Elevate your status by knowing the guest of honour, by having somewhat loud and animated conversations in which everyone is having a good time. Start talking to one woman and flirt, build rapport and get her to elicit IOI’s. You might be able to get away with publicly making out with her at the reception, but remember she’s not your final target. She’s building up your social proof. She’s yelling out a testimony that you are a desirable male, and you are deserving of her.

Think about the context you are entering and think about how you can bring out social proof. There’s a lot of universal factors like being social and actually approaching women, but definitely, DEFINITELY remember the quote above. It’s easier to log hop from one woman to another at a party, than it is to approach your final mark from a cold position.

Conclusion
You can have the muscles, the cash and the career, you can have the height and any other number of internal factors that provide a woman with reason to want to wet her pussy over you. It all plays 2nd row to your designated hitter: social proof. Consider social proof something highly malleable and should sit there with your game as the two main controls you can manipulate on the fly in any given situation.

Fin.

ToBA – Value Judgement

This is part of a series called “Thoughts on Being Alpha” in which I share aspects about the alpha’s journey. You feel like Alice right now, tumbling down the rabbit hole. Angry and antagonistic women become screaming children who didn’t get the toy. You may even have learned about the second language we have been bred not to be able to translate, but know of it’s existence nonetheless. The grass looks greener on this side, but waking up changes everything. Permanently.

What do you see when you remove the fluff from a potential mate?
For me, everything comes down to a series of value judgements about the woman. Not about the amount of effort I put in, but the potential for what I can get out of it. Companionship? Get a dog. Validation? I’ve got my friends for that. Entertainment? Go see a movie.

Grind all that away. If you want to hamster it, she doesn’t need that kind of responsibility either. She can’t handle being that important to you. If I were to be looking for a LTR, there are only two factors that really matter to me; her suitability for bearing children, and her willingness to bear children. Why I pick these is beside the point. The problem I’m writing about today is how to measure these factors. They aren’t immediately apparent, and are not the most concrete of factors to judge value from.

Dredging out the history of my previous relationships, analyzing the personalities of the women and bringing it forward to contrast against my current string of hookups, friends with benefits and other non-committal sex, I’ve developed a series of pairs of traits that either can’t co-exist or affect each other to the point where they need to be contrasted. They are each measurable, direct and unambiguous. Think about these and how much each one means to you when you’re trying to estimate the value of a woman.

Family-Oriented vs Career-Focused: These two factors do not co-exist in the universe of the typical woman. Whether it’s the result of the current job climate “forcing women to make the choice” or the emergence of the “empowered feminist,” or whatever. The result is that a woman wants a career, or she chooses to forgo a career entirely to start a family. I’ve had relationships on both sides of this conflict of interest, and while none of them have resulted in children, I definitely will be looking for more family oriented women in the future.

When it comes to actually measuring this, though, I look into conversation content and how a woman reacts to questions on each of the topics. Mixing in probing questions with some playful flirting will shed some light on whether she stands with career or family. She might blow off a question about her career, but if she lights up and goes into detail, there’s still hope. Especially if she’s in childcare. Look into the content. She might focus a lot on talking about her friends in the office or otherwise demonstrate a social focus. Red flags pop up when she lights up about some report, the mechanics of her job or an incoming promotion for example.

On the flip side of these, you could prey on career driven women for low investment sex knowing she’s not looking for kids, commitment and a provider.

Jealous vs Aloof: This one can be seen as more of a spectrum, with the goal finding a woman somewhere in the middle. Jealous mate-guarding behaviour generally comes out in “calling to say goodnight” or texting asking where you are. In my past relationships, it’s gone so far as to have every single female friend of mine stand accused of cheating with me. That particular relationship ended with me finding out she was cheating on me.

Women who are too aloof on the other hand…well, I can’t say for certain whether it means they’re cheating or not, but they’re just boring. Aloofness from my partner tells me she’s not worried about me possibly replacing her with a newer model. If she’s not slightly conscious of that, she’s not going to try to maintain herself or worse, she’s going to upgrade on me to someone who reflects her perceived status better.

My goal is to get her texting first. If she initiates conversation regularly, I see it as a sign she’s subtly trying to keep tabs on me. It also shows I’m busy enough with my life that I’m not placing all my self-worth in her hands.

Sex-Appeal vs Sex-Readiness: This is an interesting contrast to make. We know the typical attractive woman can be gamed to give up their loins to someone who knows what they’re doing, but then there’s this: you perceive a woman’s SMV to decline the quicker she gives it up. Nobody likes a town pump and the quicker she gives it up, the bigger and brighter the red flag goes up. You bring this connection in yourself, thinking “If it was that easy for me, chances are she’s done this before.”

On the other hand, attractive women like to make men work for a chance as well. We wouldn’t call them Beta Orbiters if it wasn’t commonplace enough for a label to be fashioned. You can see this all over the place, and in breaks between writing this out, I saw a guy carrying a girl’s purse. She wasn’t up to anything, either. She just made him carry it. Don’t fall into orbiter mode to get her. Women with a lot of guy friends are in the high risk zone for this.

Actually measuring this is straightforward. Judge her on her attractiveness. If she’s hot enough, try to escalate and see where that gets you. Simply put, game her and see how easily you get through her defenses. If she can hold out long enough for you to be satisfied she’s not just an easy lay, then maybe you’re on to something.

Commitment vs. Hypergamy: Women are naturally hypergamous in their behaviours. They are always looking for the fittest man to bear and raise their children. Good LTR material will be conscious of this fact and keep it in check. Women with a lot of guy friends are a red flag here as well, having a slew of potential suitors ready to replace you on a whim. On the other side, deep religious backgrounds and cultural heritage can provide a good insight into a woman with the right values for a LTR. If you can get her to cheat in a relationship or take her from her boyfriend, you already know she’s hypergamous, swinging to you as a superior specimen. It’ll only be a matter of time before she swings again.

Talk to her about where she comes from and do some research on the place. Smaller country towns tend to have more collectivist cultures, even in western society. These cultures tend to have lower instances of cheating and divorce, and from my experience, the men appear to be more naturally Red Pill in these towns and other countries. Of course, this doesn’t preclude women in our larger individualist societies, but they are a much rarer breed in my town and I would argue in most of the larger westernised cities.

You can’t directly measure this, so be wary. You can only infer it from her background, if she has a lot of male friends and other identifieable factors.

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Interestingly, neither side of each factor really means the woman needs to be avoided, rather what sort of relationship she’s more suited to. A career-focussed, hypergamous woman makes a better short-term gratification investment, where you cash out after a couple of months and call it a win. On the other hand, a country girl who hkeeps mostly female company and calls just to talk a couple of times a week could be the ticket you need to perpetuate your seed into another generation.

Fin.

Pretext For Game

 

The Red Pill talks incessantly about the necessity of maintaining frame. The higher the SMV of a woman, the more this becomes paramount. Shit-tests come about as an externalisation of cognitive dissonance formed from weaknesses detected in your frame. I use something called “pretext” which is building up a context before I even begin flirting with a woman. This is game played from the opening moments of entering each other’s reality right up to getting a number/kiss/whatever you’re aiming for.

It’s important to note that when I play a “character,” I’m not lying about who I am. I sometimes play the gamer geek, other times the committed student or the charming security guard. I only ever work with something that’s true about me and build on that aspect to the point of sensory overload. Its all that matters about me in that scene, and if she is as high value as I perceived her to be she will get more than this “sales pitch” over time.

There is a dark side to this. If you’re particularly resourceful and just a little evil, you could pull off a completely false character. Rent a suit and get a good discount on an executive suite, you could be an out-of-town executive here for a conference, for example. I personally don’t recommend this as I would find that pretext too hard to maintain and I generally don’t enjoy one night stands. But make no mistake, I’m not here to judge you on how you apply this, but it goes without saying lies get hard to maintain over time.

As an aside here, this post is not about the morals of such shenanigans. This is the nuts and bolts of how it works. Use it however you will, but be prepared to face the consequences. That said, let’s dive in and have a look at the elements that you can employ to build your frame before you begin flirting with a woman.

Style of Dress – The first thing a man is judged on. Your style of dress projects everything about you that your mark needs to know. Sure, you can dress how you want and maybe come out just fine, but if you want to establish a good pre-text, you can tell your mark you’re a skater, a gamer, moneyed or intelligent with your outfit. Therefore a little planning should go into it. You want to pick up that cute rocker girl at the music store? You will have better success dressing in an appropriately fitting band t-shirt and torn jeans with converse chuck Taylors than you would in a pin-stripe 3 piece suit.

Look like your world is compatible with hers and you’ll increase your chances of success. This sometimes comes down to luck of the draw, because you see someone in the street while you’re out you may not have the right outfit on. If you can come up with a way around this, share it in the discussion section. For now, it really just works for the predictable.

 

Body Language – Confidence always is key in carrying yourself, but a businessman might carry themselves more upright and have a “straighter” body-language when contrasted against the swagger of a skater. How you walk, how you sit, how often you adjust yourself…the angles your feet sit at. Nothing is above reproach here.

I tend to pay less attention to my feet and more about something called a “power pose.” If I’m playing a casual role, I’ll sit almost side on in a chair at a café, leaning back on not quite the whole back rest and draping an arm over it. I’ll spread out and take up room to exude confidence. On the other hand, if I’m dressed to impress with a shirt, tie and slacks, I’ll sit straight on, but lean back and have my hands on the table as far apart as seems practical. My feet usually sit so far out that I’ll brush the leg of my date and I’ll move slower.

For whatever role you play, remember not to amplify to absurdity. That’s how you agree with something and accelerate it to the point it reduces its importance and becomes a non-issue. If it helps, make a stupid caricature of this aspect of you, then peel it back to about 60%.

 

Verbal language – This becomes an important part of the pretext form the moment you open your mouth. Your accent, your clarity, your tone, your pitch all say something about you. Again, let’s contrast the skater and the business executive here. The skater is relaxed and casual, uses words like “bro” and “sweet”. The have a little bit to a lot of a drawl in their voice, and tend to run on their words a little bit.

A business executive is more likely to talk clearly, sharply and use correct English in their conversations. They rely more on correct terms, speak a little more softly and have more authority in their tone.

 

Conversational Content – I’m not talking about first date conversational content. I’m talking about pre-game content. You might encounter resistance if you immediately jump in and start flirting with her, but if you can break the ice with a disarming comment or question, you’ll be able to move towards that direction with better chance of success. What you can comment on is completely free and open.

For example, say you’ve stopped at a café for breakfast. You pick the waitress as your mark and want to initiate conversation. She comes over to your table “Are you ready to order?”
A simple opener that could engage her is “I’m not sure, I usually just get a bacon and egg roll, but I’m not in a rush this morning. What would you recommend?”

That’s a little wordy, and probably could be shaved down to succinctness, but that’s a real line a buddy of mine used that opened a conversation and got the girl’s number. The idea is not to “magic her,” it’s just the simplicity of the fact that there are several barriers to overcome, and the ice-breaker is not the same as the flirting barrier. break one then the other.

 

Hygiene – This is one of two factors that are fundamentally universal. Be clean. Shower, shave (or trim), brush your teeth, clean under your nails and make sure you smell good. This is a large series of small things, but having your haircut on point (even if its a #2 buzz cut) makes a world of difference. Try for a versatile cut rather than a Mohawk or dreadlocks…and don’t even think about a wig. That kind of lie wouldn’t last very long even on a one night stand.

Something I learned through my Asia travels is that women notice your fingernails. I made more than one girl I had dates with blush because they were super clean. I also use a beard oil and shampoo that smell like a chai latte. This not only shows I take extra care of myself, but it definitely helps on those who like those drinks. Be creative. there’s a lot you can do with this.

 

Fitness – This is the other fundamentally universal factor. Fitness is not specific to a particular role and will only benefit you if you’re lean. Don’t underestimate the power of this. Washboard abs and god-like arms might be a bit much, but if you can maintain your body enough to show you value it, the problem this presents is taken off the table and will no longer hindrance you in your efforts to get higher value women.

That said, being incredibly fit does attract a certain type of woman. Think about this before you take the plunge.

 

Props – I’ll sometimes show up to a date talking on the phone about holiday plans to the snow, or in my motorcycle jacket with the helmet slung under my arm. The helmet was a bit much, but I tried another time with just the jacket and yielded significant results. The girl didn’t even notice initially, but she brushed against me and recognised the texture.

Whatever role you’re playing, there’s always something you can be doing, carrying or wearing that lends an extra air of credibility to your pretext. It can also be a point of conversation, like the historical coin I carry in my wallet that I got as a gift for wealth from a businessman in my Asia travels. It flashes them when I pull out my wallet to pay for my share of the meal.

 

Spontaneity – You cannot pass this up. You will be tested, and called on if you are falling out of your frame. You don’t need scripted answers, rather, you need to know how to answer questions you will be fired. You need to be able and practiced enough to respond to shit tests from your frame. More like a guideline which gives you the tools. This is currently my own weakness and while I’m good enough, I’m playing with improving it so I can be more confident in my ability to “play”.

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This all seems like a lot to take in, but you can quickly learn how to put these together as long as you practice and build on them. It’s your responsibility to become the complete package, and if you play it right, you will be amazed at how this destroys cognitive dissonance, blazing through it like a bushfire in summer.

Don’t feel like you need to master all of these at once. If you are already seeing some success with women, then just take this piecemeal and think about them each in isolation. Create your role/s and think about when to apply them.

Exercises

The best way to learn all of this is to learn by doing. Create your character and go out with your buddies as this person. Practice in the mirror and work your way up to just trying to be this person in public without picking up. You’re still you, just tweaking things a bit to make yourself more of one aspect of you.

The kicker here is that you’ll learn unsuspecting public are more inclined to believe your pretext than people who’ve had forewarning or who know you already. So learn by doing and take it slow is all there is to it, but do it and keep going.

Fin.